Centers' Little Helper

Dennis Hans, unrenowned former adjunct professor of mass comm and American foreign policy, relentlessly exposed the Bush administration’s “techniques of deceit” BEFORE the Iraq war, when it could have made a difference (see links). For decades he has fought baseball’s discrimination against lefthanded infielders and promoted his ingenious clockwise solution. A lifelong advocate for a flowing, non-brutal, flop-free NBA, he now champions the cause of its second-class citizens: the centers.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

My quick-fix for Dwight Howard’s persistent free-throw woes
You can read my analysis here.

: Name: Dennis Hans; Location: St Petersburg, Florida, United States

At 5-9, I am indeed centers’ “little” helper. But my keen sense of justice and fair play leads me to identify with the big guy who gets called for a foul when a guard makes a change-of-direction sideways jump into his torso. Before David Stern took over in 1984 and started appointing incompetents to the key basketball-policy positions, that would have been an obvious offensive foul. Common sense reigned before Stern. It can reign again. I will advocate for rules that are fair, so that centers have as easy a time avoiding foul trouble as guards and forwards. Another Stern Era feature, “Might makes right,” has been great for Shaq and Dwight but disastrous for centers as a whole. Dislodging, long three-second counts, and inside-the-lane posters spreading their arms clothesline-style and/or “walking” the defender under the basket reward brute strength and hurt the game. Also, there’s no reason to give Shane Battier and his ilk a bonus point for sinking a long set shot. Getting rid of the trey will mean more FG attempts for well-rounded centers and unemployment for one-dimensional stiffs, regardless of position. Another thing: If you can't shoot, I can help. dhans@tampabay.rr.com

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How to keep centers on the court (Jan 2006)

In NBA caste system, it's good to be untouchable (Nov 10, 2006)

Rules for Reffing Shaq (Aug 2002)

Open Letter to NBA Director of Refs (Dec 2006)

The NBA's REAL integrity problem (Dec 13, 2007)

1960 Celts vs 2005 Suns (NY Times, Jan 2005)

Shaq's problem is spelled R-i-l-e-y (Nov 7, 2007)

Block/charge interpretation is ruining the NBA (Apr 2003)

Varejao is Blanche DuBois Defender of the Year (May 29, 2007)

Stu Jackson and David Stern channel Barney Fife (May 2007)

How to deter hard fouls (Jan 2003)

Blame America, not Europe, for the flop (May 15, 2006)

All my HoopsHype columns, 2002-11 (scroll through list)

Really Radical Realignment (NY Times 1998)

Letter to a lefthanded president (Sept 2000)

Lying Us Into War: Exposing Bush and His “Techniques of Deceit” (Feb 10, 2003)

An Open Letter to the U.N. About Colin Powell (Feb 4, 2003)

How Powell conned the columnists (Feb 24, 2003)

The Disinformation Age (March 4, 2003)

Public's Pro-Inspections Posture Is Mostly M.I.A. on Talking-Heads TV (Feb 28, 2003)

I Was Right (Dec 17, 2005)

NY Times and Russert helped Cheney spread Prague Connection canard (June 24, 2004)

Powell pushed Prague Connection before Cheney did (July 11, 2006)

When John Negroponte was Mullah Omar (May 6, 2004)

Appointment Determinism (Feb. 20, 2004)

Those 16 Words Still Smell (July 2004)

Did “anonymous” Condi push Saddam-9/11 connection? (Oct 2004)

Know Means Know (Aug 2003)

I nail the Niger-Connection con (Oct. 20, 2003)

Dissecting Dwight's late-2008 stroke (Dec 2008)

My 30-minute Dwight Howard free-throw fix (Apr 5, 2008)

How I’ll (again) help Shaq at the stripe (March 12, 2006)

Ben’s free throws a risky, wristy proposition (May 25, 2006)

Shaq must look to his past for free-throw solution (June 13, 2006)

Hacker Shaq invites Hack-a-Shaq (Jan. 28, 2005)

Pistons and Spurs pay a price for ignoring my advice (May 24, 2003)

Does sharpshooter Nash doctor the ball? (April Fools, 2005)

Shaq’s amazing free-throw odyssey (May 10, 2004)

SpongeBob show promotes technosexual agenda (National Catholic Reporter, 2005)

Bush Made Taliban a Target After Rove Met with Razor-Industry Execs (Dec 2001)

Sweden Offers Free-speech Refuge To U.S. Officials (Dec 2002)

Sunday Night Warfare (Nov 2001)

A name is a terrible thing to waste (2001)

A modest proposal to make America drug-free (2000)

ANDDOVUS Nations Authorize Regime Change for USA (May 2002)

Trading Is Heavy in the Humans Market (San Francisco Chronicle, 1999)

Tom Cruise Outed Plame (2005)

Powell the star of Bush’s “Façade Corps” (March 9, 2004)

Judith Miller reveals Raiders won 2003 Super Bowl (April 26, 2003)

IAEA labels Bush "fake", Powell "inauthentic" (Mar. 29, 2003)

Team USA Steals Ric Flair’s Script (Aug. 29, 2004)

The DeKathieLee: A New Olympic Event (Sept 2000)

Cross-color comparisons (2002)

Where have all the honkies gone? (2002)

Chris Rock and the Vinsanity defense (2004)

Deceptive quickness (2004)

When Numbers Lie (Nov 2002)

Tommy Heinsohn and Russell-era volume-shooting Celts

2005 Suns and 1971 Bucks

Oscar, Magic and LeBron

Fixing the foul-out rule (2003)

Pistons can win with Ben on Shaq

Nutcase Walton on "athleticism"

NBA's Top 60 players (Feb 2006)

David Stern and Stu Jackson

Kevin Garnett (defense)

Kevin Garnett (offense)

Mr Shaqwell and Mr Blackwell (NY Times, Oct 16, 2005)

NBA gangs must fight dress code

Chronology of my Iraq-related media analyses (June 2003)

"This Week" With Noam and Cokie (Feb 2000)

Defensive Donahue Needs to Go On the Offensive or Get Off the Air (Jan 2003)

Seymour Hersh's Niger-forgeries pipedream (Nov 2003)

David Brinkley’s Real Legacy (June 2003)

Colombia, 60 Minutes and “The Year of Improving Significantly” (2000)

Framing Colombia's War (June 2000)

“The O’Sama Factor”: Bin Laden Mimics O’Reilly (Nov. 2001)

In (Partial) Praise of Robert Novak (Oct. 12, 2003)

A Fake Reporter for a Fake Magazine: Stephen Glass and the “liberal New Republic" (June 2003)

It's a White, White, White Media World (Jan 2003)

Looking at Reagan through (Charlie) Rose-colored glasses (June 2001)

Advice for Bob Woodward (Nov. 20, 2005)

What If Jayson Blair Were Black? (May 2003)

St Pete Times slanders Amnesty Intl (2005)

How to Widen the U.S. Role in Colombia While Narrowing the Debate (2001)

Bob Woodward is Valerie Plame (Dec. 6, 2005)

How to deter fibbing and flopping

Forked tongues and corked bats

Baseball signals and official deceit

How to drink white: Deconstructing the “Whassup” ads (June 2000)

You Go, Bud Girl! (August 2000)

The Budweiser National Pastime (July 2000)

Reefer madness strikes NBA (March 2001)

McCaffrey on Weed (May 2000)

SuperBowl drug and anti-drug ads (Feb 2002)

Reagan’s Dark Global Legacy (June 2004)

A Foreign-Policy Quiz For McCain (Miami Herald, Feb 2000)

You say Pastrana, I say Duarte (March 2000)

Colombia punishes a bad apple (Feb 2001)

Selling military-aid like a used car (Center for Intl Policy, June 2000)

My essays for Colombia Journal, 2000-02